The Grand Role

What is the role of a grandparent? I suspect it depends on whether you're the grandparent, the parent, or the grandchild. One of the great things about being a grandparent is that you carry with you all three perspectives, since you're the only one of the three to have experienced each life-stage. But sometimes it's hard to reel in all the years to see through the eyes of the child or parent you were. 

From my lofty GrandMary perch and taking into account little Mary and mama Mary, here are my top three roles of a grandparent:

• Unconditional love. A grandparent is free to just love away on the grandbabies, usually without the angst of setting the rules, saving for college, or getting them dressed for school every day. (I know some grands do have to worry about these things.) Unconditional love doesn't mean "no limits" and letting the little darlings get away with murder. Abide by the rules of the parents and of society, and the rest is just lots of fresh cream on strawberries. Open heart and open arms - that's a grandparent's primary role.

• Fun-loving storyteller. A grandparent is a connector from the present to the past. You can tell the stories about family, friends, and events that help anchor a child's roots. You can give grandchildren a glimpse of what their parents were like as children (so start storing up those funny, embarrassing tales). You know songs, rhymes, tall-tales that only someone in your generation would know, so share them. But remember that "fun-loving" is the modifier here. Otherwise, you'll become a raging bore. You have to be the one with a ready laugh, a conspiratorial wink, and the ability to pull a funny face throughout everything.
• Parental support. A grandparent is not the grandchild's parent. The parents make the rules, and your role is wholehearted support, at least when engaging with the grandchildren. If you feel the need to confront parents about something you disagree with, well that's up to you. It might work, it might not. But never, never undermine the parent in front of their children or intentionally break their rules.

I do realize that many grandparents are the primary caregivers for their grandchildren. But I believe that even with increased authority that love, fun, storytelling, and support provide the foundation of the "grand" role.

What do you think are the top three roles of a grandparent?