The Grand Role

What is the role of a grandparent? I suspect it depends on whether you're the grandparent, the parent, or the grandchild. One of the great things about being a grandparent is that you carry with you all three perspectives, since you're the only one of the three to have experienced each life-stage. But sometimes it's hard to reel in all the years to see through the eyes of the child or parent you were. 

From my lofty GrandMary perch and taking into account little Mary and mama Mary, here are my top three roles of a grandparent:

• Unconditional love. A grandparent is free to just love away on the grandbabies, usually without the angst of setting the rules, saving for college, or getting them dressed for school every day. (I know some grands do have to worry about these things.) Unconditional love doesn't mean "no limits" and letting the little darlings get away with murder. Abide by the rules of the parents and of society, and the rest is just lots of fresh cream on strawberries. Open heart and open arms - that's a grandparent's primary role.

• Fun-loving storyteller. A grandparent is a connector from the present to the past. You can tell the stories about family, friends, and events that help anchor a child's roots. You can give grandchildren a glimpse of what their parents were like as children (so start storing up those funny, embarrassing tales). You know songs, rhymes, tall-tales that only someone in your generation would know, so share them. But remember that "fun-loving" is the modifier here. Otherwise, you'll become a raging bore. You have to be the one with a ready laugh, a conspiratorial wink, and the ability to pull a funny face throughout everything.
• Parental support. A grandparent is not the grandchild's parent. The parents make the rules, and your role is wholehearted support, at least when engaging with the grandchildren. If you feel the need to confront parents about something you disagree with, well that's up to you. It might work, it might not. But never, never undermine the parent in front of their children or intentionally break their rules.

I do realize that many grandparents are the primary caregivers for their grandchildren. But I believe that even with increased authority that love, fun, storytelling, and support provide the foundation of the "grand" role.

What do you think are the top three roles of a grandparent?

The Frustrations of a Bilingual Toddler

Toddler tantrums are legendary, and sometimes all you can do is deep-breathing exercises or plug your ears with your iPod. But look at it from a toddler-view. It must be incredibly frustrating to understand two languages (grown up English and toddler-speak) but only be able to communicate in one (toddler-speak).

I do think they get - or almost get - whatever's being said to them, and I think they understand what you need or expect to hear in return. Problem is, their language skills haven't caught up to their understanding.

So when you ask a question, a toddler knows what answer to give. It just comes out in a Tarzan-like grunt or a string of gibberish. They try to help us along by pointing or gesturing, but we don't speak their language. As adults, we have to make logical (or sometimes, wild) guesses as to what our sweet toddlers are trying to say. Frustration all around and a perfect storm for impending tantrums - and not just on the part of the toddler.

Yes, what we've got here, in the words of Strother Martin in Cool Hand Luke, is a failure to communicate.

Of course, lack of ability to form clear words isn't the only frustration a tiny kid faces. Emerging, basic fine motor skills and coordination lets That fork or spoon doesn't quiet behave they way it should and deliver food into the mouth, for example. Darn! Yeah, I think I'd throw a tantrum or two (and I'm sure I did).

Things will get better. The pointing grunts will lead to "milk, please" or "I'm hot." Blocks will stack and forks will get food right into the mouth. But until then, sigh, we'll all just have to communicate the best way we can.

I'm just waiting to hear those three magical syllables: GrandMary.